How To Stay Hopeful
When The Doc Says There's No Hope?
The specialist seated across from me raised his eyebrows, “Ovarian cancer is serious,” he said with no emotion, “you have two choices, hysterectomy or death.”
That’s it? Those two horrible choices? Years of pain and a desperate search for the best doctor had brought me to this renowned specialist. And this was his solution?
How could he be so insensitive? Anger started to build in me. But his words did not intimidate me.
Swallowing hard, I said, “I do not accept those choices.”
His frown framed the fire in his eyes. Had I challenged him? Rising from his chair, he leaned over his desk. He pointed his finger inches from my face.
“Then, lady, go home. Suffer. And die.” His spit splattered my cheek when he spoke.
Staying Hopeful Against All Odds
I clutched the armrests of the wooden chair; my heart beat fast and my face grew hot as I stood up and leaned toward him. In a loud voice, enunciating each syllable clearly, I said through gritted teeth, “I will walk in here pregnant one day.” I spun around and marched out the door.
Once out of his office, I took a deep breath. What did I just do? My hands shook, tears welled up and remorse attacked me. Why did I say that?
That specialist was my last hope. Or was he?
My anger in the doctor’s office brought on worry and anxious thoughts. Will this disease kill me? How can I face another diagnosis of this magnitude?
Years earlier another specialist said, “There is one chance in a million of getting pregnant because of damage due to your previous illnesses.” It seemed hopeless. I was born sick. My sister had died from rheumatic fever four years before I was born. Being a sickly child, I stopped breathing at nine months old. My parents told me that for twenty minutes I lay lifeless in my crib. They knew God had gifted me to them and their faith was not going to allow another child to be taken. They chose to believe God for a miracle and not allow this to overtake them.
The same trust my parents had for my healing as a baby began to build up inside me and confirmed I would be victorious in this conflict. God had to have an answer for me; I was determined to find it.
But, was my sheer determination enough? At times hope seemed to fade. What didn’t fade was the weight of the cancer diagnosis which hung over me.
In those anxious moments of fear, I was sure my only hope for survival was the One I knew well. My Healer. My Source of hope. Doctors had no answers. But God did.
Keeping The Faith Amidst Difficulties
Knowing that God had the answers helped strengthen me on the days when believing was difficult. But I needed to maintain my faith and trust God was true to His Word. Standing on that truth, I repeated to God over and over again, “I know You’ll never fail me. I know your promises are true.” His answer would come. And I vowed to find it no matter what.
Embracing the truth my father instilled in me, I knew I would triumph: Whatever I would feed would grow and whatever I would starve eventually would fade and die. I could feed my fears or feed my faith. The choice was mine. I kept that truth in front of me, remembering in the dark what I had learned in the light.
My faith was unwavering. I leaned on God’s wisdom to guide me while I waited for the manifestation of my healing. After the visit to the doctor and contrary to my friends’ warnings, I weaned myself off of all medications.
Though a risky step to take, I took it because the medications made me feel worse and did not appear to be working. The medical profession did not have answers and gave me no hope. Hysterectomy, out of the question. Death – it was not yet my time.
God’s timing was perfect and while I waited, I prayed. I searched the Bible. I looked for hope. One thread that would be mine and mine alone. A light I could cling to in the dark days.
Never Give Up Hope
After days of lying on the sofa in extreme pain begging God for an answer, that light came on. God spoke to my heart. His voice was so loud it seemed audible. He gave me a simple, yet profound, promise. I chose to believe it. This specific, unique verse changed the direction of my life: “Blessed is she who believed: for there will be a fulfillment of those things which were told her from the Lord.” Luke 1:45
My heart skipped a beat. Joy welled up inside of me. Hope was born. My campaign began with this truth in order to receive the fulfillment of that promise for healing and a baby. No matter how severe the pain got, I would praise God for that scripture verse. I put it on post-it notes throughout the house. Every time I saw it, I read it out loud because God’s Word claims “Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the Word of God.” Romans 10:17 The more I repeated it, the stronger my faith became.
I knew this was God’s promise. My focus had to remain on two things: healing and on His promise.
MORE Bad News...
Years earlier, the doctors told my husband: “Clayton, you have had two surgeries, and we have tried every medication available to help you produce mature sperm. I’m sorry but it is a hopeless situation. You will never father a child.”
Never? God cannot lie. He is incapable of it. God knew the end of my story. All I had to do was to trust Him at His Word and He would bring it to pass. He gave me a promise. His Word is true. My job was to believe Him.
My next post will tell you the rest of this incredible story and how my life was changed. But, I will also share the struggles that many of us face when we choose to take a stand of faith.